"I Wish People Knew How to Talk to Me" – Rethinking Communication with PwD

One afternoon, I sat on a park bench watching kids play when I noticed an elderly man struggling to communicate with a young girl in a wheelchair. She had a bright smile and was trying to express something, but he seemed unsure how to respond. After a few moments, he simply smiled, nodded, and walked away.

The girl looked at her caregiver and said, “I wish people knew how to talk to me.” 

That moment stuck with me. Not because the man was unkind, but because he simply didn’t know how to connect. And that’s the challenge many people face—not a lack of kindness, but a lack of understanding.

Compassion Starts with Awareness 

Compassion isn’t about feeling sorry for someone; it’s about recognizing their humanity and treating them with dignity. As Helen Keller once said, “The highest result of education is tolerance.” The more we learn about people with disabilities, the more we realize they don’t need pity—they need inclusion, respect, and genuine connection. 

The Harsh Reality: Disability and Stigma 

In today's world, disability and psychology are often assumed to go hand-in-hand. Disabled individuals face daily discrimination and stigmatization, leading to deep psychological effects, including low self-esteem, social anxiety, and even trauma. 

According to the World Disability Report, 2011: 

• Negative attitudes toward disabled individuals result in lower self-esteem and reduced participation in society. 

• Many disabled individuals face harassment, leading to social isolation. 

• Women with disabilities are less likely to marry non-disabled partners due to social judgment. 

• Children with disabilities often miss out on education, limiting their job opportunities and financial independence in adulthood. 

• Households with disabled members are more likely to experience poverty, poor healthcare access, and material hardship. 

• Poverty itself increases the risk of disability, creating a vicious cycle of hardship and exclusion. 

This isn’t just data—it’s real life. These challenges highlight why compassion isn’t just an option; it’s a necessity. 

How Can We Build Compassion? 

Disability is frequently viewed as the opposite of health, beauty, success, and happiness. This deep-seated perception fosters discomfort, avoidance, and the tendency to see disabled individuals as passive recipients of charity rather than active contributors to society. However, like everyone else, persons with disabilities (PwD) possess distinct talents, skills, and needs. To truly be compassionate, we must go beyond performative gestures and create meaningful opportunities for inclusion. 

1. Acknowledge, Don’t Ignore 

People with disabilities are often unintentionally overlooked in conversations, workplaces, and social settings. The first step in building compassion is simply acknowledging them—say hello, engage in conversation, and treat them as you would anyone else. 

2. Ask, Don’t Assume 

Instead of assuming what someone with a disability needs, ask. A simple “Would you like help with that?” gives them the dignity to choose. Many people, like Marlee Matlin, the Deaf actress, advocate for better communication rather than assumptions about their abilities. 

3. Make Spaces More Inclusive 

Compassion isn’t just about emotions—it’s about action. If you own a business, make sure there’s an accessible entrance. If you plan events, provide sign language interpreters or braille menus. True compassion creates opportunities for everyone to be included. 

4. Be Patient and Open-Minded 

Whether it’s communicating with someone who has a speech impairment or waiting for a person using a cane to navigate a path, patience goes a long way. A small moment of understanding can make a huge difference in making someone feel valued. 

5. Teach and Advocate 

Compassion spreads when we teach others. If you notice a child staring curiously at a person with a disability, use the moment to educate them about kindness and inclusion. Stand up against ableist jokes or discrimination. Your voice can create change. 

 

How to Interact with PWD? 

Always use respectful, people-first language that highlights the individual rather than their disability.  

General Principles for Interacting with PWDs 

• See the Person First, Not the Disability – Focus on the individual rather than their disability. Use person-first language (e.g., "a person with a disability" instead of "a disabled person"). 

• Ask Before Offering Help – Not all PWDs need assistance, and assuming so can be disempowering. Always ask, “Would you like any assistance?” instead of acting without permission. 

• Speak Directly to the Person – If the PWD is with a caregiver, interpreter, or companion, address them directly rather than speaking through someone else. 

• Respect Personal Space & Assistive Devices – A wheelchair, cane, or any assistive device is part of a person’s personal space. Avoid touching or moving it without permission. 

• Avoid Assumptions – Do not assume what someone can or cannot do. Every disability is unique, and individual capabilities vary. 

• Use Normal Voice and Tone – Unless someone has a hearing impairment, there is no need to speak loudly or exaggerate words. Speak naturally and clearly. 

Here are some examples of inappropriate terms and their recommended alternatives: 

cripple	Person who needs mobility assistance
deformed	Person who has a physical disability
handicapped	Person with a disability
Normal	Non-disabled, able-bodied

Tips for Different Disabilities:

 

🦻 Deaf or Hard of Hearing 

• Some may hear, lip-read, or use sign language/assistive tech. 

•  Ask how they prefer to communicate. 

👁️ Blind or Visually Impaired 

• Introduce yourself and say when you're leaving. 

• Offer your arm if they need guidance—never push or pull. 

• Don’t pet or distract guide dogs; they’re working! 

🦽 Wheelchair Users 

• Avoid pushing, leaning on, or holding their wheelchair. 

• If possible, sit or kneel to be at eye level when speaking. 

🧠 Cognitive Disabilities 

• Use clear, simple language. 

• Be patient and give them time to respond. 

🗣️ Speech Impairments 

• Let them take their time to communicate. 

• Listen carefully—don’t finish their sentences. 

Nick Vujicic, a motivational speaker born without limbs, once said, “If you can’t get a miracle, become one.” Compassion doesn’t require grand gestures. Sometimes, it’s as simple as listening, learning, and treating people with disabilities as equals.

So, the next time you meet someone with a disability, don’t let hesitation hold you back. A smile, a conversation, or a small effort to include them can make all the difference. Because at the end of the day, compassion isn’t about seeing differences—it’s about seeing people.